AN ATMOSPHERE OF TOTAL EASE
KHURSHEED MERCHANT
Khursheed Merchant calls herself a coach because she sees her role as helping a player become more effective in her absence. She does not believe in motivational training because according to her, motivation is external and unless there is a corresponding internal shift, the change does not last. ''Improving and polishing personality to my mind is very off. A human being is so much more than a personality. Coaching brings about internal shifts by triggering insights, which later coalesce into behavioral and attitudinal changes just like that magic moment when we learn to balance on a bike.''
The most important thing, in Khursheed's view, is to change the patterns in the brain, which drive so much of human behavior, and to be able to do it lightly and humorously. When participants can laugh at themselves, they are more receptive to internal changes. ''A lot has to do with ease of self,'' she says. ''Most people are unsure of themselves and live in a state of insecurity. This often causes them to be needlessly touchy and unwilling to change. If greater confidence is cultivated, they will learn to tolerate themselves and others better.
''Over the last eight years, I have been doing projects with corporate groups, which enables me to work long-term with participants. I measure my effectiveness according to the internal changes I see in them. I too have been evolving, learning how to work with people sensitively, creatively, easily. How can I create workshops that make a difference, not just give a high? I think it's possible. The more I work, the more possible it seems to me. Moreover, it is possible to help other people also make a difference.''
Khursheed believes that the most important thing is to create an atmosphere of total ease. People should be at ease being there, at being whoever they are. ''Then one takes them to different levels, not so much by probing into their life situations, but looking at some universal patterns like our need to look good, to please people, and the cost to us. Playfully, I take them through the processes of their life. It's like doing surgery, using laughter as an anesthetic to dissolve the pain.
''Being moralistic or motivational, in terms of telling a person what is wrong with them, with society, or how to change, is ultimately debilitating. It makes a person struggle when struggle is not necessary. It is far preferable to reveal them to themselves,'' she says with a confidence born of experience.
''You can't handle all moments,'' she adds. ''Sometimes you will be in charge and sometimes you won't. Sometimes people share some outstanding achievement, or something they have done, that is usually pushed into the background. This heroism that ordinary people are capable of, as we see everyday, is what we need to recreate on an everyday, ongoing basis. As a trainer, this is what I apply myself to: how to bring what already exists, to the forefront.''
Khursheed, (formerly of est), has developed her own leadership training programs, and worked with at least 40,000 students over the years.